Birth Trauma: The Path to Healing (Part 2)
In brief:
Human beings are naturally resilient - often the brain and body will heal spontaneously
Sometimes we need to create the right conditions so healing can occur
Healing from trauma involves re-creating safety within the body and the mind
Increasing interaction and connection can act as an antidote to trauma
Allowing yourself to receive care, as well as being compassionate toward yourself, can facilitate healing
In this blog I will focus on healing from birth trauma including practical strategies that you can try out right now, as well as ways to help someone you care about who is experiencing trauma. If you haven’t read part 1, I encourage you to do so as it may help deepen your understanding on how, and why, some of these strategies work.
Natural resilience and coping resources
First off, I want to remind you that humans are inherently resilient. What I mean by this is that very often, our brain and our body knows exactly how to go about healing even without much direction. This happens all the time. Can you remember the last time you had a cut, bruise, stomach ache or toothache? Did it naturally get better?
Another role I have as a Clinical Psychologist is to assess people who have been involved in accidents leading to injury. I listen as they describe their injuries and the steps that were taken to facilitate healing. For some, this may include resting, for others it’s medication, a cast, a screw, crutches, surgery, stitches, a new house etc. Sometimes our bodies or minds need just a little help to create the conditions for the body to kick-start its natural healing system.
A psychological wound is no different - the brain is designed to heal and regenerate. The same is true for birth trauma and we know that the majority of people who experience a traumatic event during the perinatal period will not go on to develop PTSD. So, in the initial stages following a traumatic event I always encourage individuals and couples to draw upon their support networks and usual coping mechanisms.
What are we really trying to heal?
When we want to help the process of healing along, we want to match our strategies to what is really going on rather than taking a stab in the dark, with this or that. I’m no medic, but I imagine if you broke your arm you would want to make sure you get a cast on your arm, not your leg. I’m stating the obvious here but my point is that we want to be smart with our strategies. Given that trauma heightens our threat system and disrupts our ability to feel safe in our body and mind, that’s where we start. Safety. Without safety, it is extremely hard, if not impossible to function. We want to gradually train the nervous system how to settle back into a state of safety. To start, these may just be glimmers of safety, and in time, your ability to stay in this state will increase. It’s a bit like exercising a muscle so you can lift a weight for longer each time.
Working with the body
There is a lot that you can do on your own to increase feelings of safety in your body. The key to all of this is – start small, do what you can. Something is better than nothing. I realise the hefty task of doing even the basics when life feels so chaotic. Brushing your teeth may feel like climbing Ben Nevis. Know that you don’t have to do this on your own either, I encourage you to seek out extra support if you need. Ways you can support your body include:
Breathing practices
Sleep (as, and when, you can!)
Appetite – prioritise nourishing foods and regular eating
Soothing activities – (soothing music, bath, weighted blanket)
Warm/Cold water (bath, cold water splashes to the face, swimming, cold water dip)
Sauna/Heat (using heat to work the nervous system)
Stretching, exercise and yoga (dependent on your physical recovery)
Practices to strengthen the pelvic floor can be particularly helpful (seek physiotherapy support if required)
Building connection
Trauma can lead us to withdraw from our usual interactions and we can become isolated. By nature, humans are social creatures and in the absence of connection, our minds feel the effect. This is especially true if you are someone who is typically quite social and then all of sudden, not. We are often led by our feelings when deciding what to do and let’s be realistic, who wants to go for a coffee when your brain is screaming danger at you. I don’t blame you. However, it is a slippery slope when our behaviours and actions become dictated by our feelings. We can feel alone and get stuck in a vicious cycle which lessens opportunity for any sense of reward and satisfaction, which can dampen our mood. You may want to consider increasing your opportunities for connection, in spite of anxiety telling you otherwise. As always, start small and think out of the box. How you may usually connect with others may not be available to you anymore.
Name your feelings
This might sound simple, but I have both seen and experienced first-hand how effective it can be. There’s even a whole bunch of research on this very topic too, so you don’t have to just take my word for it. Name your feelings. How difficult can it be, right? Well, unfortunately many cultures and societies haven’t done a great job at helping us learn how to feel and to know what it is that we feel. You may want to use a feelings wheel to help give you some words to help better describe your experience. Where does that feeling sit in your body? Is it in your chest, your arms, your stomach? There is no right or wrong here and how one feeling is for me will be different for you. What is important is you are checking in with your internal experience and acknowledging it. Watch out for any judgement that comes alongside the feeling or attempts to get rid of, or change your feelings. This is not what we want to do. Just notice. Give air to. Acknowledge. That’s it.
Grounding
Trauma hijacks us out of the present moment. We can get absorbed into our inner narratives and the stories of the mind. These may be thoughts, images or sensations related to what’s happened in the past, or it could be about the future and the whole catalogue of “what if’s”. Either way, we can use your body and the senses as a bit of anchor. A bit like how a boat bobbing around in choppy seas can drop an anchor and hold still, even in the worst of storms. We can use our senses as a way to bring us back into the present moment. A way to feel connected to the here and now. Connecting to your senses can also updated the stories. One way to do this is to pause, stop and name 5 things that you can see around you, 4 things that you can hear, 3 things that you can touch, 2 smell and 1 taste.
Compassion
The second arrow of trauma comes from the internal judgements or criticisms that loop inside our own minds… I can’t believe you’ve not got over this yet, you are failing, everyone else is managing why aren’t you, it really wasn’t that bad, you aren’t made for this, you are broken.
Lets do a bit of maths… if you are at 50% capacity, then you only have 50% capacity to give. But somehow we still expect the same of ourselves than if we were at 100%. It doesn’t quite add up? How can you expect even 90% of yourself if you are sitting at 50%? If I had 20 miles worth of fuel in my vehicle, it is impossible for me to travel 60miles, whether I would like to or not. So, the message here is to hold some compassion for ourself and adjust your expectations of yourself given what you have, and are going through. Remember, trauma means that although the situation itself has past, you are still living with the after effects. At the end of the day, you are only human.
Think about how you might treat someone else who was experiencing similar. I imagine you might use a compassionate tone and warm facial expression. You might share some wisdom and let them know that you care and you are here. Can you pass over the reins to someone else in order for you to have some space to heal. We need to allow care in, allow others to help and be compassionate to us. Being compassionate to ourselves and receiving care and compassion from others is hugely healing. Do you allow yourself to accept help? Do you ask for help?
Psychological Therapy for birth trauma
Commonly, professional help is also required to heal fully from a traumatic experience. Fortunately, there are several evidence-based approaches that can effectively treat trauma, so, chances are you will recover fully. If you decide to source professional help please ensure your therapist is registered with a professional body (such as the HCPC for (Clinical Psychologists) and is experienced in this area. Always check with them if you are unsure and don’t take the fact they have a website and call themselves a therapist as evidence they are suitably qualified.
Helping others with birth trauma
If you are reading this you may feel helpless about how to support your partner. Perhaps none of this is making any sense to you - your usually functioning partner appears completely absent and there is a struggle to cope with even the basics. But, it is not exactly clear why. Your usual encouragement or “tough love” statements like ‘just get on with it’ or ‘positive thinking” aren’t quite cutting it. Nothing is. Many partners feel this way and I can assure you that the fact you are noticing something is up is a good sign. While your partner heals, you may find the following tips useful:
Provide practical help: trauma reduces capacity, therefore, if you are able to take on some of the day-to -day running of the house, this can create space for healing.
Learn about trauma and its impact. Try to understand what is happening and have empathy for your partner as they likely have much less control over how their feelings than you may think.
Your usual problem solving approach will not work here. So, don’t try to “fix it” or problem solve their emotions or issues. Now is not the time to figure it out and it likely will not serve you, or them well. Just be there and be presence. This in of itself is likely to be more healing than you might give it credit for. Know that you don’t always have to be “doing” in order to be helpful.
Finally, hold compassion for yourself. This is hard for you too. This is not the new born phase that either of you expected to have or were sold by others. It wasn’t meant to be this hard. Know that you can grief the experience that you did not have and that makes you human.
